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Second pregnancy but first miscarriage

May 4, 2014

Dear baby Laila Rae,

I miss you.

You would have been a Sagittarius like your daddy. Your birthstone would have been for November, topaz or citrine; or December, tanzanite or turquoise. Your life pursuit: to live the good life. Your secret desire: to make a difference in the world.

Whether you decided to be early or late, a vaginal birth or a c-section baby, we expected to be holding you in our arms between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. We told a lot of people you were on your way! Family, friends and neighbors were all excited to meet you. I wanted to let you choose your birthday and make sure you were fully formed before your doctor and I would bring you into the world.

By now you would have started out the size of a poppyseed, growing into an appleseed, sweet pea, blueberry, raspberry, green olive, then a prune.

You left before you could make me think you were more developed, to be the size of a lime, plum, peach, lemon... naval orange, avocado, onion, sweet potato... mango, banana, pomegranate, papaya, grapefruit, canteloupe!

I feel like a crazy lady fruit salad right now.

March was the month I took a half dozen pregnancy tests, which were firmly positive March 8. Then I lost my job on March 19 and Derek's pediatrician on March 24.

On April 26, exactly 7 weeks after my positive pregnancy test, I started bleeding and we realized we'd lost you as soon as you arrived. My body had been confused for 2 months! For the past 60 days, I took what turned out to be a whole bottle of prenatal vitamins, one each day. I said a prayer for you and hello to you every morning. My body wanted you to stay even when you knew you couldn't and didn't grow. This entire week since the bleeding started, my heart and soul have been grief stricken - completely shattered - to say the least. We had plans for you, little baby! I even got you a double stroller and a jumperoo, silly but mommy found great deals and couldn't wait to play with you.

We discovered that I was spotting lightly, and held out hopes that it would stop while we went to two birthday parties that day. By the end of the second birthday party, I was really bleeding, and we went to the nearest ER. My nurses were amazing, held my hand and tried to help as much as possible, especially night shift Frosty and Judy. I arrived just before 7pm with a full stomach, gushing blood. My ER doctor and OB-by-phone wrote orders to treat your passing with dignity as safely as possible, but 4am sent me home when I never stopped bleeding.

At 7am I walked to the bathroom, had a vasovagal near-syncope after losing more blood and fluid, but went back to bed. At 11am I woke up with the pads, clothing and mattress soaked in blood. At this time I came back to the ER still bleeding so heavily I had to explain that yes I was pregnant until the day before, that you left as soon as you arrived, and now my pain and bleeding were showing no sign of stopping. After repeat orders for pelvic manual exam, transvaginal ultrasound, and narcotics for pain, I was medically cleared and sent home with methergine to stop the bleeding. On our way home, I will never forget how fast that CVS filled my prescriptions, 3 minutes before closing, with more empathy from the pharmacist than I ever would have expected.

I think I was bleeding so much in the ER and at home because my heart was actually broken. They saw in my womb the tissue that would have held you and once I passed it, they decided the rest of my recovery could be monitored at home unless I developed complications. They didn't check my heart before writing me discharge papers. It's still broken and missing you! I would "ground" you for another 8 months and make you stay and grow inside my belly if I could.

Our families were all so supportive, and they are still calling to check on me frequently as I work on recovering my body and my heart. I'm grateful that they were able to care for your big brother Derek and that he had a good weekend with grandparents and puppies. I'm glad I didn't lose more than a fifth to a quarter of my body's blood, that I didn't need a transfusion or surgery at all, that the cytotec worked when sometimes it doesn't. Our followup visit with the OB in Williamsburg was too soon for us to ask good planning questions for birth control.

I meet my new OB doctor here in town on Tuesday. I hope I don't cry in the office with her, but I can't make any promises. My first request will be to wait in a different area than the waiting room if possible. I'll even call a day ahead to ask if that's an option. I can't be around pregnant women right now, it's too hard.

If there are about a million miscarriages in America every year, why do I feel so alone? If 80% of miscarriages don't happen to the same mom twice, why did it have to happen at all? If you are a "blighted ovum" which is "a condition where the gestational sac grows but the fetus doesn't" why am I still so sad?! I'm "only" 29, but sitting here now wondering about my "ovarian reserve" and "progesterone level" and whether you were disrupted by me working out, adhesions or scar tissue in my uterus, any meds that I was on the week before you were conceived, exposure to cleaning chemicals, alcohol or coffee I still felt the need to drink before we knew you were on the way.

Despite the fact that I will be older when we try to conceive our next child, I will do better next time. No meds, no heavy exercise, no cleaning products, no extra sugar, no alcohol or caffeine. I'll get my hormones and thyroid checked. I'll do my best to minimize stress levels and have job security. I'll ask my doctor to check for Edwards syndrome T18 carrier DNA if possible. I will do anything I can to make sure our next attempt at a child is successful because I can't imagine going through this level of pain again.

I hope you didn't feel any pain when your little egg didn't grow. I hope you're just as happy in heaven where you started and stayed to begin with. Please take care of Derek's other future little sibling up there for us until we are ready for him or her.

We loved you before we even saw those two lines on the pregnancy test. We don't know why you couldn't stay here with us. Right now it's too painful to imagine what your birthday would have been like, but it would have been wonderful to meet you. Jesus will keep taking care of you as he always has. We need Jesus to help us through this time of loss and healing too.

I love you little baby, forever. I am still your mommy and I always will be. I will never forget you and the dreams I carried in my womb and my heart for 10 weeks. Thank you for helping me to imagine a positive birth experience and inspiring me to take better care of myself, Derek and Jere. Thank you for the few short weeks you were here with us. "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

It will take time for me to heal and time to realize all the lessons you were meant to teach us. I will cherish every moment with our family and every rainbow that comes after a storm. We have time. I will be ok. Let the angels know we need a little extra attention for a while.

All my love,


Jun. 2nd, 2012

I'm 23 weeks pg with twin girls (babies 3 and 4...no more after this, lol). I have a few gems I thought I'd share with you all:

Every single time I go to the Dr.'s office, there's this nurse who always asks me the following: "Wow...you're REALLY far along. What are you- 33-34 weeks?" I tell her every time that I'm having twins, and how far along I actually am. She still asks me every single time.

The first time that nurse saw me, she took one look at me and said "Wow, YOU"LL definitely be getting diabetes!" (Wow, I'm fat, you can say it....)

Also, for the millionth time, whether or not I was using protection is none of your damn business!!! (this is directed at a number of people who felt entitled to ask this)

Edited to add: I forgot one: the same nurse from above called me to report an abnormal result from my bloodwork a while back. She said "something" was wrong with my bloodwork, "everyone's freaking out" about it, and since she didn't understand exactly what it meant, she couldn't explain it to me, and there wasn't a doctor available at that moment who could. She gave me the number of a perinatologist (not their name, though) and an appointment date and time. That's it. So...lemme get this straight: "something" is wrong, so I'm supposed to go "somewhere" to see "someone" about "something." I was able to speak to a Dr. later that same day to get the facts straight, so that turned out ok though.
when i asked for a fitting room last night to try on a dress the woman goes "you go in that one." and pointed to the handicapped room.  I'm sure she was being nice but wtf?

Umm WTF?

Okay so i'm a proud momma to a darling little almost 17 month old daughter and ready to pop in 4 weeks or less with a darling little son. :) My first has been an amazingly easy going little one, slept through the night early, not picky and rarely fussy, she's a very good girl and i do feel blessed with her. But the comments i've been getting from my friends and family and mostly my mother are driving me crazy. Basically damming me with a satan child in a matter of words. "count on him never sleeping though the night." "count on him being the opposite of your daughter." "be prepared for a tantrum thrower because he's a boy. " "I guarentee you he'll be your worst nightmare since you had such an easy first." Like WTF? I think my easy going personality might have a chance to rub off on my son like it has my daughter but i'm not just ASSUMING that he's going to be perfect, but i also am not just ASSUMING for the worst. A little balance please, sheesh! anyone else delt with these obnoxious kind of comments?

Can't really tell her to STFU

I have twin two year olds. (27 months, to be precise.) And I'm four plus months pregnant with number three.

I am freakin' huge, and I say that as somebody who carried twins in my previous pregnancy. I'm carrying wider and lower, and the damage I haven't been able to repair from said twin pregnancy just makes me feel sort of miserable about myself.

So, you can imagine how frustrating it is when my 27 month old daughters begin a chorus of, "Mommy have big butt!"

And keep it going all. day. long.

In my head, it goes like this:
"Mommy have big butt! Mommy have big butt! Mommy have big butt!"

Parenthood is amazing.

Yes I know....

I am sooooooo tired of people telling me that my daughter looks exactly like her father and nothing like me, even if they say it in a joking way. I KNOW SHE DOES. I HAVE EYES. And of course being pregnant with number two they say he'll look just like his father too. Duh people that happends, it's called strong genetics. GAH!
I'm 9 weeks pregnant :)

So far my biggest WTF moment was when my coworker asked "who's your Obstetrician?" and I said "I'm working with CNM Alice" and she was like "yeah, but who's your doctor?" and I repeated myself like three times that a doctor will be consulted if need be, but that the CNMs I'm working with have only an 11% hospital transfer rate and a 5% c-section rate. My coworker turned around and stormed out of the room.

My first appointment is Nov 21st, and I'll learn which doctors they work with at some point, if I need to. About 9 years ago, my coworker was burned by her "plans for a natural childbirth in the hospital" that turned into a failed induction and cesarean; but all I can do is hope for the best.

Since I have the option, I'm not giving birth in a hospital- I'm giving birth at a birthing center, with lots of support and naturally proven evidence based strategies like moving around, climbing stairs, and eating during labor if I want. These are my choices.

Don't rain on my parade!
I've really only had one true WTF moment in my pregnancy, and although it was a few months ago I hadn't found this comm yet.

I'm a grad student, sharing an office with two other grad students. One has a year and a half old son, so his wife was pregnant about two years ago now. He really likes talking about pregnancy/naming/parenting things with me.

Soon after he found out I was pregnant, as he was on his way out of the office one day he turned around and told me, "Oh! And don't forget that it's absolutely vital that you ONLY sleep on your left side!" His eyes were wide and his tone suggested that if he'd forgotten to tell me this, the consequences would have been dire.

I thought he was kidding, so I half-laughed, but he got a deadly-serious look on his face. "No, really, you HAVE TO sleep ONLY on your left side! You could cut off the baby's blood supply otherwise!"

I tried to keep a lighthearted tone and said "Well, y'know, if it was that important I'm sure my doctor would have mentioned it by now. I'm sure it won't kill me or anything."

But he kept insisting. Finally I dropped the good-natured act and was just like "Look, yes, there's a big artery on the right side and laying on your left side is the best for circulation, but laying some other way isn't going to make me have a miscarriage. Worst case, if my circulation is bad then it'll be really uncomfortable to lay any other way and I'll lay on my left side anyhow. But everything I've read has said that it's more important to sleep in a position that, y'know, allows you to sleep than to make sure you're only on your left side every moment of the night."

Then he got a little sheepish and was like, "Well, yeah, maybe..." and finally left.

This sucks

So I woke up this morning in crazy pain and agony. Last week when this happened I had some explosive diarhea and all was well afterwards. But this time, it didn't stop and got worse and worse and worse. Nothing I could pin down to contractions but I figured I really needed to get it checked out anyway since it was so bad and without explanation... and also, I had something I thought might have been very mild contractions possibly yesterday.

So, I give some people the heads up and say I'm going to the Dr's appointment early today and getting it checked out. The pain was so bad I almost couldn't walk.

Come to find out in the Dr.'s office my MIL booked a flight and is on her way! She didn't wait, or consult anybody or anything!! Wtf! She has assumed either I'm in labor, or I'm about to be induced (I was planning on fighting the Dr to put off any induction they want to schedule for another week)... this is terrible. Now I feel guilty for updating her at all even though I know it's not my fault that she's a freak AND now I have this feeling of unspoken peer pressure regarding when I should have an induction. God damnit.

And of course, as you have guessed at this point... I am not in labor and so far no word on induction.


EDIT: Being induced this Friday because next week is booked full of people trying to be induced before Christmas and New Years. Now I'm super pissed. Well, at least my MIL didn't come for nothing! :/


When we first discovered I was pregnant my husband went crazy with serving me breakfast every morning, not letting me carry stuff, etc... I laughed and told him to save his strength for the third trimester when I really needed it cuz I knew he was gonna run out of steam by the second trimester.

Alas, I was correct. ;_;

Back to nagging him for basic tasks again.

I want to strangle her......

Today SO and I finally figured out names (for both boy and girl, since we won't know what bubs is gonna be until they make their 'debut', lol - Bare in mind we are both massive gaming geeks, we picked Scarlett Jenova for a girl, Atari for a boy)

We posted up on Facebook, and now future SIL is pitching a fit about the name we picked for a boy - she's gone full 'You cant call MY nephew that!!!! Poor kids going to be mercilessly bullied' drama on us. She keeps saying how it sounds like something out of a cereal box, and how we should pick one of the names she suggested (Sorry, but I f*cking hate every name she came up with! They are all overly-used, bratty or super preppy, and totally aren't 'us'.)

I know the name we picked is on the unusual side, but it fit's out little family unit perfectly, and it's not a name to be ashamed of, as when our kid hits school age, not many of the other kids will even make the connection about the names origin.

It's just upset me. If she wants to name a kid that badly, maybe she should pop another out (she's several years younger than me, has 2 already, and the father is a jobless deadbeat who she constantly fights with)

It's not like we were even asking her opinion! I'm not changing it, just because she thinks she knows better. I hate falling out with people, but I really feel like telling her to STFU!

I don't need this crap. I've got just over 9 weeks to go, and I WILL KICK HER ASS IF SHE CROSSES ME AGAIN!!!

Oct. 9th, 2010

I just got called "fat and nasty" by a grown man that sent me a friend request (facebook) over a week ago? Apparently he forgot he sent it, because he said there was "no way" he would ever send me one. I tried explaining to him that if I had sent it, he would be the one accepting it, not me. Then he blocked me. WTF?

ETA: Everything in my profile is friends only, so he couldn't know I was "fat" until I accepted the request. But all of my "fat" pictures are from my first delivery and up to 6 months PP.
I'm having a homebirth at my midwife's house, an hour and a half away. Because of this, she doesn't want to do my postnatal care and told me to ask my regular doctor if she would do it instead so that I didn't have to travel with a newborn. No biggie. I called the office today to ask about that, and also to ask if the doctor would care for my baby rather than me trying to find a pediatrician. I started the conversation with the nurse with "I am having a homebirth" and said that I would need to come in 3 days after the birth for the heel prick test. The nurse replies with "so do you know when this is going to be? Are you having a c-section?" *headdesk* Yeah, a homebirth c-section. Totally.

More of a WTF about myself....

Woke up this morning and BAM! Sudden panic and need to make lists of everything we need, and how and where to get it, at what price and by when, so I can inventory it and make a back up plan if said item isn't available.

I'm not due til christmas day, but now I'm suddenly going crazy thinking we NEED TO DO EVERYTHING NOW!!!!!

He doesn't seem to understand the urgency of the situation. He keeps telling me to calm down and that we will have everything we need before Bubble arrives. I'm sure we will, but there's just so much to do, and I don't want to leave anything to chance (My little bit of OCD - Usually not so bad, but this situation is HUGE and I need to be doing stuff!!!)

Is this my nesting instinct kicking in? It's my 1st, so I've no idea what to expect. It just literally seems like I woke up today and I've gone completely nuts overnight!

HELP ME!!!!!

Paternity test?

So way back when in February 2010, my SO and I broke up for about a week. I do the normal slutty thing and sleep with someone else after I've been with the same guy for 4 years. It was only once, with a condom, and I'll admit it was my fault. SO knows about it, and we've worked out our problems.

That aside, I had my period in Feb, Mar, Apr, and May. I pop up pregnant in June. His parents won't see me, or their only grandchild who is 2 and a half at the moment, because they won't believe that its my SO's baby. Their logic is that if I didn't sleep with the other guy since then, that I must have hidden the pregnancy from everyone for 4 months. What?

I know 100% who's baby I'm having, because I haven't done anything since the split, but SO wants a DNA test "just to make sure" so his parents will get their noses out of our business. It doesn't seem right to me, but I'm the one that did wrong in the first place.

Also, his father came up with the theory (while I wasn't there) that the other guys sperm may have leaked through the condom and sat in there for 4 months. This is the man that told my SO a walmart bag and a rubber band was cheaper and just as good.


My friends wife is really starting to get on my nerves.

Firstly, she keeps calling my fiance fat. He isn't fat in the slightest - He's a healthy 12 stone 28 year old, not a skinny 9 stone teenager anymore.

She picks on him mercilessly, which annoys the hell out of me. He's the kind of guy that just shrugs it off because he's used to his friends being like that (they don't do it in a nasty way.)

She, however, likes a drink, and when she gets to a certain point, she becomes sarcastic, opinionated and snotty. She constantly belittles and talks down to her own husband, and dares to get snippy if anyone points out that she's talking through her ass!

Secondly, she's take it upon herself to give me little snippets of pregnancy and parenting advice, which is a joke in itself, as;
A. She has NEVER been pregnant.
B. The only other experience she has had regarding pregnant women is her boss at work, who miscarried at 12 weeks.
C. She has no children, and has previously said she does not like them or want them herself.

Every time we go to their house, she's always 'Oh, Davina (her boss) did this to ease her morning sickness' or 'Davina says you should be eating this.' etc.

Personally, I don't give a crap what Davina did. I'm sorry she miscarried, but I'm 26 weeks pregnant, and I'm not Davina, so most of what you are telling me to do does not apply to me in the slightest (Never had morning sickness, and I'm fully aware of what I should and shouldn't be eating.)

Just two nights ago, as I'm leaving, she hands me a soda can and says 'I have a theory. Mango juice has lots of vitamins, so drink this, because it's good for the baby.' (Bare in mind, she's been drinking the same stuff for the last 3 hours, but with vodka mixed in.)

The can she has handed me is carbonated mango flavored soda. Now, if it was actually pure mango juice, then fine. But being that artificial fruit flavored juice drinks give me heart burn, as do carbonated drinks, this single can managed to give me enough heartburn to keep me awake from the pain for two nights solid.

She is absolutely clueless, and if this carries on, I'm going to snap and say something to her!
Anyway, rant over. For now....

WTF are your manners?!?!

My husband, one of my step-sons, and me went out to lunch today while doing errands. We were able to select our own table and picked the one in the back corner of the empty area. There were 12+ empty tables around us, and the next set of dinners came in and sat behind us.

There is room enough that if someone pulled their chair out as much as I did, they'd be comfortable. The guy who sits behind me pulls his chair out all the way so it slammed into the back of mine before he sits down. Once he sits down, he even pushes his chair back even further so he slammed me into the table. By this point I'm like WTF and my husband just about got up to beat the shit out of him.

The guy was a bit big and all, but he really didn't need that much room. When he was sitting there he had like 8 inches from his gut to the table.

WTH dude? Sorry I don't take the 6 inches of space between the chair and the table anymore, but that was just rude! And I've got a reason to have a bump there!

And now my tummy hurts and I even have a mark across it from where I was slammed into the table. I'm bruising easily these days, and I wouldn't be surprised if its a dark purple. Cause its already a shade of purple now not even an hour after it.

So, I went for lunch today with my parents at Olive Garden which was nice and the food was delish..

As we're leaving my mum and I stop in at the washroom. I came out, washed my hands and I was standing there inspecting my belly - making sure I didnt spill anything and there was this weird line from my prego pants so I was just trying to get rid of that and all of a sudden my mother speaks up and says "Yes, you're fat!" as I'm checking out my belly! not "yes, you're pregnant" or "yes, you're geting big" but "YESS, YOU'RE FAT!" I could litteraly feel my anger rising up and it if it wasnt my own mother who'd just said that, I would have slapped her..

All that came out of my mouth was "What the F*CK kind of thing is that to say?!" and I walked out. And then she had the nerve to get mad! Swearing and mumbling under her breath and telling me to calm down. UGH!

My dad then asks what was wrong and I told him what rude thing she'd said to me, and asked if he'd just drive me home instead of me coming shopping with them. (he'd come seperately in his truck) he did & I ended up getting all worked up and started crying on the way home.

WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT TO THEIR PREGNANT DAUGHTER?! I never thought my own mother was SO insensitive. I would never say that to her or anyone, especially a pregnant woman!!

Excuse me?!

 Here ares several conversations i've had that bug me!

1) Me: hi!
Lady: are you having twins? 
Me: no just one (smiles
Lady: oh, how far along are you?
Me: 28 weeks
Lady: wow your pretty huge for 7 months, sure you're not having twins?

2) Me: hi
Friend: that baby is gonna be a huge baby

pretty much everyone thinks i'm having twins and that bugs me lol. Also people who tell me what i should and shouldn't eat. Babies healthy and i'm fine so yeah i'm gonna eat that turkey sandwhich and no i'm not worried that its lunch meat. :P

Organic - What?

I was so proud when I scored an organic Halo sleepsack, newborn size, on ebay.
The organic ones are pretty pricey, so I was feeling pretty darned pleased with myself!
The seller seemed great, too - obviously a mommy selling off her goodies, and a few other odds and ends. Yay me, right?

Well, my ORGANIC cotton NEWBORN item of SLEEPWEAR arrived today *reeking* of heavy, heavy cigarette smoke.

Now, I'm a former smoker and I tell you - to get *this* degree of saturation of tobacco smoke takes a *lot* of smoking. Not even the sleeves of my winter coats smelled this foul!

I'm kinda agog here:
Organic cotton sleepwear for a newborn,
purchased from a chainsmoker's house

Nope, didn't occur to me to check for a "smoke free home" on this product. Because I am *that* brilliant. Supergenius mommy on the prowl!

Please remind me to not attempt any big feats of brainpower in the near future;
a smarter mommy wouldn't have stumbled so easily into WTF-land with this "bargain" purchase

Ok, the list.

So, my baby is going to die or be screwed up because:

1) I had an ultrasound (and was so happy and carefree about horribly torturing my baby as I shared the images on Facebook!).

2) I ate sushi (this from the person who doesn't understand why they say you're supposed to avoid cold cuts-- not that I've made a super herculean effort to avoid cold cuts either. I understand the concern, but let's try for consistency, eh?).

3) I had (irresponsibly and without consideration, apparently) decided to take a powerful painkiller that was deemed safe for my pregnancy by the neurologist and the OBGYN for a condition unrelated to my pregnancy (this was after I held out for almost a week with the pain and was crying and missing work and shit. And this is from the person who wants to buy me used infant car seats from garage sales and tells me I "can't protect my baby from everything" when she refuses to not smoke around me and also doesn't understand the principles of diffusion----- this is also the person that doesn't want me involved in painting the baby room because of the fumes!).

4) I'm wearing jeans.

5) I lifted something (a small box of books or whatever the slightly heavy object of the day is).

6) I have an unneutered male dog (13" beagle). It is going to rip my baby boy's face off. First, just because. Then because it's male and my baby is male, and you know how it is with male unneutered dogs----- they get jealous in that way, you know?? (and this is the person who has given me horror infant mutilation stories about every pet I've ever owned that was larger than a hamster or cockatiel years before I ever expected to get pregnant) On the other hand, someone else is happy because dogs have "good bacteria" for the baby... but cats have "bad bacteria" so all Hell is gonna break loose if I expose my baby to cats.

7) I'm not getting my baby circumcised. Why do I want his dick to rot and fall off so much??

I feel like there's more, but I kinda lose track after awhile.



I must be insane. Stark raving mad! Ugh, I'm off my rocker.

I signed up for an online biology course so that I can continue forward with my B.A. in History. Also, it looks great on my evals at work (the Navy is SO competitive, haha). Just a week into this, though, I've come to realize that I probably should have put it off until AFTER Dylan comes. It also doesn't help that my husband is underway for the month, so the housework and all of the whatnot is all on me.

Ho snaps.

Cole (my puppy) can also sense something is going to change soon, so he has been acting out by crying for HOURS at night, demanding I play with him when I'm trying to rest, and eliminating in the house (though he keeps it restricted to the tile). I'm sooo lost as to what to do. He is such a sweet and loving black lab, but he is turning into a monster even though I keep working out with him!

x-posted to august_2010


Dear People Who Glare At My Coffee Cup At Work:

Stop giving me the stink eye and questioning my diet choices during pregnancy. My venti vanilla latte has 150mg of caffeine and I am allowed 200mg daily according to my OB; I trust her to keep it real with me. If you expect me to work the ridiculous hours that I've been given, I need a pick-me-up every once in a while. Unless you have a medical degree and know my pregnancy history, please shut the hell up, walk away, and let me get back to work. Thank you!


x-posted with august_2010

job woes

I feel like bitching, sorry in advance if I ramble.
cut because I ramble and rant about work for quite a whileCollapse )
If anyone had asked me before tonight if I thought I was doing a good job of working while pregnant I would have said "absolutely! I give 100% effort every shift and I'm the friendliest sales associate on the staff, I think I'm doing great" but after hearing about how upset some of my managers are with me- to the extent that they're complaining about me to other workers... I just don't know. I just feel so down.

Sorry this went on so long, I just really wanted to get it all out to people that I figure will understand. Pregnancy is so tiring but awesome at the same time, I wish my job wasn't bringing me down so much.

So I went into work and talked to my cool manager about everything going on and she not only spoke to the manager who was complaining about me (who sat down with me in the back after my shift and sincerely apologized) but she talked to the store manager as well. I've got one more one-on-one chat with another manager to go but at this point they've all chilled out. My store manager and I opened this morning and she made a point of checking in on me and making sure I was feeling ok, wasn't doing too much, etc.

I think things are going to be much better now, hurray! I worked for five hours today and unlike before I'm not exhausted. My feet hurt, yeah, but I don't feel like death. Hopefully these next 2 1/2 weeks will go by like a breeze. I feel a lot better now that I've confronted them about the problem and gotten a good outcome. I'm coming back to my job after I have the baby and I really didn't want a tense working environment and I don't think it'll be an issue.

Thanks for all the awesome advice and commiseration everyone, you were all such peaches. It helped me get out and talk to them instead of just taking it, and it worked out so much better this way. You gals rule, thanks!
I'm huge at this point, yeah? I'm 37 weeks along and my bellybutton went from being an innie to an outie. It stick out funny, it's weird, I get it. Well I took a bath while my 3 year old was napping and afterward I felt way too warm and didn't feel like wearing a ton of clothes so I put on some comfy pajama pants and a bathing suit top and have been lounging around a bit.

My son just came up to me with a plastic giraffe and had it stick it's face into my bellybutton and then he giggled his head off. My husband started laughing and they fistpounded.

It was funny and sad at the same time and... I miss not seeing my bellybutton. I was checking it out in the tub and yeah, it is pretty much inside out at this point, it's creeeeepy.

Anyone else get this sort of nonsense?
Tonight, my friend was very impressed by how pregnant I am.

Now, this friends says outrageous things *all the time*, but says them in a deadpan manner - you never know when he's joking.

Him: "So, you smoking cloves?"
Me: "Nope. I quit while conceiving."
Him: "Why'd you go and do that for? You know you can smoke while you're pregnant, right?"
Me: "Uhhhhh..."
Him: "C'mon. Think with your brain - maternal smoking don't make 'em retarded, it just makes 'em short."

I'm in pregnancy-fog, so kinda just cocked my head and quizzically considered wtf he was talking about... stared until his wife smacked him and he burst into giggles over how big of a WTF he could deliver :-)


I was recently cornered by 2 fun, older midwife/nurse women who declared I am the TEXTBOOK example of a woman who is carrying a boy.

"You are so obviously going to have a baby boy!"

I smiled, and explained that, no, I'm positive it's a girl.

They (obviously) assumed I knew this from ultrasound, and insisted that NO, I AM CARRYING A BOY!
We chatted a little bit, during which time I was schooled on "women's wisdom" about these matters.

Instead of telling them about the amnio results, I decided to have a little fun:
"Well, I know it's a girl. And if my baby is transgendered, I'm a-ok with gender reassignment surgery and will support and love her... provided she doesn't use that as an excuse to dodge her responsibility to GIVE ME GRANDCHILDREN."

The women quickly scuttled away

Um, not like its any of your business.....

So I'm at my day job today, and a few of the girls are talking about temp and permanent contracts, and I crack a joke to the temps that they can have my perm contract when bump arrives.

This is not the issue. What happened next is what got to me.

In our section at work there is one woman (hard-faced, approaching 50, thinks she knows everything and the world owes her cuz she's worked all her life in crappy jobs, etc.)

She overhears our conversation, turns to me, and says quite loudly and somewhat aggressively, in front of everyone 'I'm not being funny, but I don't know why you accepted the job in the first place if you knew you were pregnant.'

Firstly, when I accepted the job, I did not know I was pregnant. I literally found out the day before I started working.

Secondly, I am fully capable of doing my job, will continue to do so until it becomes necessary to stop, and would rather work to support my child than milk the welfare system (which I'm sure she would have had just as negative an opinion about, being that she's 'never been on benefits and has worked at least 40 hours a week for 30+ years in every sh*tty job you can imagine.'- her words.)

Thirdly, what business is it of hers. She isn't a supervisor, She holds the same job title as the rest of us, but she likes to think she's in charge because she is at least a decade older than the rest of us and this apparently affords her a 'natural authority' due to her wisdom and experience (which so far seems none existent.)

How fricking rude can you get?
So, I thought everyone was quite aware that I am pregnant.  I mean, I am showing now, so I kind of assumed people could tell.  Until today.  

Coworker: "You working summer school this year?"
Me: *smiles*  "Nope...I'll be a bit busy this summer!" *pats bump*
Coworker:  *confused look*
Me: "Baby."
Coworker:  "Oh!  Congratulations!"  *looks me over*  "When are you due?"
Me: "July 9th."
Coworker:  "This summer then?  Wow!!"

lol.  I know I haven't gained a lot - only 10 pounds, but I have a definate baby bump.  I kind of though this was cute though, I wasn't mad or anything, just a bit bemused. I just can't help but wonder, did he just think I was getting fat?

Drive Yourself

My friend - who committed to helping me with this birth - told me, last night (34 days before my due date), that if I start labor while he's at work,
I need to drive myself.

This is the same person who has already flaked on childbirth classes ("I don't need 'em; it can't be that tough"), and is now trying to flake out on a carseat installation appointment I made 3 months ago ("Can't be that tough").

I asked him if he is crazy.
He still doesn't "get it"

Now I'm spending the day reworking my birth plan to acommodate me being entirely alone. I'd rather be prepared for that now than deal with an 11th hour flake, and be in high anxiety by the time I actually make it to LandD.


I bring my prescription to the pharmacy.

Clerk: "You're expecting? Does your DOCTOR know you are expecting?"
Me: "It's pretty obvious, right? Yes, he knows."
Clerk: "THIS could cause BIRTH DEFECTS! Pregnant women have to be careful taking medications - HOLD ON A MINUTE!"
Me: "I've been through this with him already. I am vomiting from reflux. The risk of damage to me from heartburn are higher than the risk of harm to my baby."
Clerk: "OK, just wait"

5 minutes later

Clerk: "OK, here's your script."

(a) I wish I'd had the presence of mind to say "fuck you and your high school diploma."
(b) I already have a lot of guilt about having to go to prescription-strength, and it took a Come to Jesus talk by my OB (with references to esophogeal cancer) before I caved in and picked up the script. I've researched the issue, and my MD has.... AN MD.
(c) WTF? And a big WTF on me for actually discussing my health issues with jackass.
I emailed my OB about the conversation. He called me to insist I go to the meds; I'm vomiting w/bleeding - he's right. But WTF up with the extra guilt from some pharmacy clerk?

This beats the random facebooker who decided to post on my page "DO NOT DO ULTRASOUNDS!", then, when pressed by me, posted the AMA warning against using the 3d-4d mall ultrasound operations. Naturally, a child-free genius. Child-free folks are *great* with the ridiculous advice.... yeah, I'm going to turn down baby monitoring/doppler/ultrasound at week 36 for my firstborn after losing a twin in this pregnancy and her being in a wacky position.... freaking people...


So the past couple weeks, I've been experiencing discomfort in my pregnancy. I know this is normal at 30 weeks pregnant, but some of my symptoms just DO NOT seem normal to me. I've gone in to L&D because when I explain my symptoms, they tell me to come in, but as soon as I get there, they're like, 'Oh wtf ever, you're fine you hypochondriac.' Lovely. I just don't feel normal, though....these are my symptoms:

-Daily Headaches
-Light Sensitivity
-Spots in vision
-Bad chest pain (turns the veins in my chest DARK blue)
-Swelling of my left side
-More consistant contractions
-Unusually low blood pressure

I try to ignore my almost constant pain and I take Tylenol Max daily, but it does nothing for me. I have no idea whats going on and the doctors aren't giving me a convincing answer that I'm okay.

X-Posted with August_2010

Neighbor WTF

I am 8 weeks along and I just saw one of my neighbors outside. He's pretty weird, so we don't talk to him very often, but I thought I'd be polite and say hi.

Him: Have you found out yet?
Me: Huh?
Him: You know if you're preg-
Me: Uh, we are pretty sure we are, but I haven't been to the doctor yet....
Him: Oh, well, I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
*cue me walking away very fast*

WTF? You don't know me that well and you're asking if I know if I am pregnant, after I've already talked to your wife. The baby didn't disappear!!!! Sheesh.

Thanks for that. Really.

So....I've got a couple of stories. First off, I'm a teacher....and no, I don't teach elementary school kids (which would make some of what they say much more understandable), I teach high school.  9th grade physics to be exact.  So...we're talking 14-18 year olds (yes, I have 18 year old 9th graders.)

This is my first baby and I started off rather heavy to begin with, so I wasn't really showing much throughout my pregnancy.  I just started showing recently.  This prompted many students to ask all sorts of odd questions:  "Miss, are you sure you're really pregnant?" and "Miss, did you have your baby already?"  o_O  Yes.  I'm sure....it didn't go away or anything.  And the worst.  "Miss, are you sure you're still pregnant?"  This one nearly sent me into tears because I had lost one right before school started. 

Well.  Now I am showing.  Friday I got this comment.  "Wow, Miss!  You actually look pregnant now instead of just fat!"  I just didn't know what to say to this girl.  Luckily the other students did, they kind of yelled at her.  lol.

Also, can I tell you how weird it is to be sharing pregnancy experiences with 9th graders?  One of my students is 2 months behind me (Yes, she's 14 - I work in an inner city...she's not the only pregnant 14 year old) and looks farther along than I do.  It's rather....uncomfortable and awkward on many levels.

This one is old....but at Easter, we went to my in-laws for dinner.  My husband's grandmother was there....you know the type.  The old lady that thinks she can say whatever she wants.  She looks at me and says, "You don't look pregnant.  You were fatter than that at your wedding." O_O
Right.  Thanks a lot.

And one last thing.  We are not telling you the sex.  Get over it!  There are plenty of things that are gender neutral.  If you don't want to buy us gender neutral clothing, then get a gift card or something.  You don't have to get us a present, though we certainly appreciate it!  

I feel better now.  Thanks! 
After a relative advised me to try quorn sausage rolls (due to being advised to avoid processed meats while pregnant), a 'friend' on Facebook responded with this little nugget of WTF:

'Quorn? It's not even a food, ;it belongs in no group and most certainly not on a plate. If you want something good for the baby I suggest liver and a mahoosive steak and kidney pie!'

Now, if this was general nutritional advice aimed at a normal person, this would be fine, but clearly this well-meaning guy has never been around pregnant women before, and therefore has no idea about the dietary requirements of said women.

So I gave him a little education on his potentially dangerous advice.


FWIW, I enjoy the company of smart, creative types.
I was far more tolerant, however, when I wasn't pregnant.

Recently, I did some research on diaper options. Still haven't made up my mind, but at a party on Sat someone asked me what choice I'll be making. I described my initial excitement, then disappointment, with the compostabe ones - those seemed like the best of all possibe worlds until I discovered (a) they're not fully compostable, (b) nobody I know whose used them likes them, and (c) I was back to the drawing board.

So then an acquaintance - single and childless - pipes up about "elimination communication", and WHY would I consider diapers in the first place? WHO uses diapers when you can SIGNAL your baby to eliminate - per her, on command - and NEVER put a diaper into landfill. And then ANOTHER childfree person pipes up about how her friend-of-a-friend tried this, and it's MAGIC. Woman one then got quite excited about my carbon footprint-to-be, and waxed romantic about how YOU ARE IRRESPONSIBE IF YOU USE DIAPERS, and, with a wagging finger, she hoped to see this conversation reflected in my baby registry.

Initialy, I was impressed with this... She was so *certain* of her perspective!
Then I spoke with a few parents. One of them is still laughing and making jokes about a newborn's ability to "eliminate communicate" with mommy.

Needless to say: I remain registered for nappies EVEN THOUGH THIS MAKES ME IRRESPONSIBLE!!!

This isn't to critique anyone who uses this method - maybe it does work? I've no idea - I'm about to become a first-time mom. But for a new parent whose never actually changed a diaper before, dealing with a newborn, I'm having a serious WTF over being told how irresponsible I am to consider diapers.

And I should really post about the breastfeeding zealot who reduced my good friend to tears over my friend's inability to breastfeed, but I get too upset when typing that story. Said friend is a breast cancer survivor who went through a double masectomy, and the breastfeeding zealot didn't know, and my friend got too upset to communicate, that it wasn't my friend's CHOICE to lose her boobs and ability to breastfeed. Instead, my friend just sat and took in this woman's tirade about how formula was the worst. parenting. ever. I gave her some serious "WTF?" over the other woman, but doubt I was able to really help her get over that interaction :(

May. 18th, 2010

Hey there! I'm 34 weeks along and still working in my retail job. Every now and then in conversation with customers they'll ask questions like "do you know what you're having?", "have you picked any names yet?", "how far along are you?", etc. Not a big deal, I'm a pretty open person and while I usually don't like to go into great detail, I'm more than happy to chat if they bring it up.

Well, a few days ago a woman asked me about what I was thinking about in terms of names. We've already picked out her first name and we're mulling over a few different names for her middle name. One of my favorites is Matilda. Not everyone's cup of tea but I've always loved that name. I expect some people not to like whatever name you say, it just happens. Not a big deal. Except with this woman, ugh.

She literally spent nearly five minutes talking about how the name Matilda sounded like it belonged to a retarded child. I mean, really? She went on and on about how the name sounded "slow" and how kids would make fun of her. Over and over and over. She would not drop it. I finally had to feign looking for something in the back room and hid there for a little while until my manager let me know she was gone.

What the hell? How is that even appropriate? I'm used to people saying "oh, I know someone named _____ and she was a bitch!" or talking about their bad experiences with someone but that was just a whole 'nother level of rude.

Anyone else experience this and want to share?

I am not pregnant but

My friend Britt* , Jake* and I were eating out at IHOP when this happen. Now Britt is 41 weeks and she very upset about her clotheing not fitting, very worried about the baby (doing a non-stress test monday), upset that her brithplan is no going as planned and just feeling overwhelmed. Anyway we were eatting and all the sudden Britt had to pee really bad so I helped her up and follow her to the bathroom. (Britt is having some trouble getting up from chairs and toilets so she asked me to come in and just help or if something happens call 911) . The peeing is done with no issue but as we're walking back , a older women (70's maybe) who was sitting waves us to stop at her table. We stopped and the older women puts her hands on Britt's belly and pulls her closer so her face is laying on Britt's belly. Britt gently took the women's hand away for her belly and said No firmly then walk away.

* names changes.

Shifting teeth and adult braces - wtf?

Big WTF:
I know things "soften" from the pregnancy. I even knew there was a chance my feet would grow and spread. I get that we women experience bone shifts and what-not. Heck, I even knew the adage of "lose a tooth for every child".

But NOBODY prepared me for the weirdness of my TEETH SHIFTING.

Initially, I went to my dentist with a complaint about flossing, thinking maybe I had some infection or gum swelling issue he could resolve.
My teeth have shifted, and are shifting so much that we can't get dental floss between some, and they've shifted away from each other in some parts! And he can't do anything about this until after I'm done breastfeeding. In the meantime, I've been given a rubber gum massager and orders to "work" that area in a new bedtime gum-care ritual.
Oh, and I was also given the *delightful* news that I may need braces if my teeth continue to shift like this.

WTF? I HAVE NATURALLY STRAIGHT TEETH. I AM VAIN ABOUT MY TEETH. And now, I'm going to look like a jack-toothed hobo. And no amount of preventative dental care is going to help.
A friend of mine really, really, really wanted to host the babyshower.
Fine! I had two other friends who wanted to do the same, but this friend was very excited about her kitchen remodelling project, and has just been such a doting auntie already that, really, by all rights *SHE* is the perfect baby shower hostess.

She has now become my therapist and soundboard for "WTF?"
When did baby showers trigger neuroses and rudeness?

(1) The "Buy my baby shower castoffs" guest
Via chat one evening, one invitee expressed his disappointment that he and his wife could not attend. BUT, he asked - "Are you registered for a Medela Breast Pump? Because we just had a shower 3 months ago, and we have an extra."
DUH, the answer to that one is, "OH, that'd be fantastic!" Those puppies run like $300!

So here's his response: "Great. See, here's the thing - we can't return this item, and we need the money. So, why don't you point your friends to us to buy OUR breastpump from US, and they'll save a lot of money. We're asking $250."

I was quite stunned. Uncertain what to say, now that I'd expressed such enthusiasm for the item, I backed off carefully by explaining that, well, I'm not REALLY registered for one, I don't really SEE me needing a deluxe model, but by all means I'd point interested parties his way.


(2) The "event not special enough" guests
I've one friend getting married on a WEDNESDAY afternoon. I've RSVP'd I'd attend.
I have another friend getting married on a Tuesday, 40 miles away, at 6:00, in city notorious for no parking availability.
Note: I'm in my third trimester, and I've RSVP'd YES to each.

NEITHER ONE can make my baby registry because.... wait for it.... A 1-5PM EVENT ON A SATURDAY JUST ISN'T A CONVENIENT TIME FOR THEM.

WTF? I'm a single mother by choice who, at the ripe old age of "mid-to-late-30s" gave up on marriage and said yes to motherhood via a sperm donor. THIS IS A HUGE EVENT in my life; huger than (a) getting married to your baby's daddy on a weekday afternoon, and (b) a SECOND wedding.

(3) The second-guessers
OK: I have my biggest issue with these folks because I am, frankly, frustrated that my registry would be ignored.

- I spent HOURS creating a baby registry.
- I consulted with friends, spoke with registry-smart folks at the stores, and learned all there is to know about baby registries and preparing for baby's first year. I know exactly what I need; I even have several LISTS on the subject. I've reviewed products, spoken to moms, read reviews - I know what I want, I know what I need.
- I registered at 1 online store (amazon.com) for the planning ahead and budget-minded types, I registered at 1 traditional baby store (babies r us) for the traditionalists who enjoy shopping at baby stores, and I registered at 1 ordinary everyday store (Target) for the convenience of my guests. I've given guests great options for shopping off the registry!
- I registered for a WIDE RANGE of things, in a WIDE RANGE of prices - from the $1.99 bottle brush to the $5 pyjamas to the $25 bathtime gift set, $30 jumbo box of diapers or $200 car seat, there is a wide variety of items, in various prices, so everyone can participate.
- at this point, I have done a lot of baby preparation. My hostess had to delay the date of my shower to the end of my 8th month. Needless to say, at 33 weeks pregnant I've already bought a LOT of the items I will need, and have been collecting hand-me-downs like nobody's business. So I own a lot of stuff.
OUT OF CONSIDERATION FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY, I very carefully used Amazon.com to indicate which items I already have, by marking them into the registry and then marking them as "purchased". In other words: there is a clear signal for WHAT I ALREADY HAVE AND DO NOT NEED - you can just go to my registry, and there are scores of things marked as already purchased.

Second Guesser A: calls me up to complain that she doesn't understand how to use the amazon.com registry. I help her out. 10 minutes later she calls me again, GRAVELY disappointed, because HER SPECIAL baby shower gift is to buy people an infant bathtub. "Because new moms never know to register for one." I laugh and point out I already have *3* hand-me-down bathtubs.

"OK. So then, choose what I can get you instead: a piggy bank or..." So she starts talking me through OTHER things she'd like to get me. I'm kinda stumped on the other end of the phone here.... I SPENT HOURS on these registries. I had to go into stores, not feeling so hot, and shoot at bar codes with a freaking gun. YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT - IT'S ON THE DAMNED REGISTRIES.

Second Guesser B: calls me up to complain that I already have a "buzzy" chair. I laugh - why, yes, in fact, I have 2 if we count the buzzy feature in the pack and play, and I have 4 if we count my baby swings.

"But you already HAVE everything! What's LEFT?"

Second Guesser C: I get a notification from Itunes that I'm the lucky recipient of a few pregnancy iphone apps.

Lucky... if I owned a Mac, an iPhone or even an iPad. And I do not.

So I wrote C by email, kindly letting them know I can't use the gift but thanking them for the gesture.

"Oh, well, it was $0.99 anyway. We'll find another pregnant gal for the download."

What better way to let ME know that you are (a) thoughtless in gift-giving, and (b) CHEAP.

Seriously. I know it's quite hubristic of me to kvetch about gifts.... but C'MON people. IT'S A REGISTRY, NOT ROCKET SCIENCE! Pick up a damned $5 pack of diapers and be done with it!

Seriously WTF? (cross posted)

Yesterday, went to the doctors and got official confirmation - 5 weeks pregnant, GO ME!!!!

Then I went to work last night for my shift, and told my boss (as you do, so they can sort stuff out for you)
Take into account that I work behind the bar in a strip club.

Instead of the expected 'congrats' etc, the first two things out of his mouth were:

1. Remember, you are not ill. You are pregnant.

2. Don't get too attached to it yet, because you never know when something will happen, like you'll be on the loo, and you'll push too hard and, oh no, its all over.


I might actually put in an official complaint or something.

Apr. 7th, 2010

I was 18 when I got pregnant, my mom was telling a lady at church that I was expecting (she was telling her in an excited way, "I'm going to be a grandmother!') and the lady looked down at me, patted my leg and said "guess you need to remember to keep these closed dear!" (my legs)
i was in so much shock my jaw just dropped and i think i said something along the lines of "uh..guh..wha-..uhh..mm.."

I was also still in highschool (graduated before i had the baby though) and can remember sooo many stupid comments from people... everyone wanted to be my friend and give me advice... i was told NOT to breastfeed because then nobody will be able to feed the baby but me, and i wont' be able to drink (i ended up EBF'ing for 6 months, had to stop for medical reasons) i was told to never use toddler beds and keep the baby in a crib until he/she was at least 4 years old, i was told that if i didn't have stretch marks it meant that the baby wasn't growing properly (didn't get a single stretch mark)


Perinatalis - it is small java application for mobile phone. It helps you to sign contractions and movements of the baby during pregnancy. You can also send it to your e-mail from your phone or visit chat.

Screenshots and download: http://mut.ru/perinatalis/?lang=eng

So, I work in a small COMMs division for the Navy here in Hawaii and let me just say, I've never met a group of more...irritable women. At work, I was minding my own business, rubbing my beloved baby bump, when one of the older and less sane women decided to try and strike a conversation with me.

Murrey: So when do you pregnant women actually experience joy in all of this? *Gestures to growing baby bump*

Me: Haha...what?

Murrey: I mean come on. You're in pain and unhappy the entire pregnancy, then comes a horrible labor, then you have a crying baby all the time. When do you guys experience the joy part?

Me: Well, I was told I couldn't have kids due to a ruptured uterus, so I'm very joyous about this.

Guy Across the Hall: *Kindly Chiming* That's great, so this is more of a miracle for you! :D

Me: YEAH! :D

Murrey: You people are crazy.

WTF. Just....WTF?!?!?! Really? How do you ask a pregnant woman that question?!

When did "pregnancy" become "sexy"?

I'm only 21 weeks, 1 day pregnant with my first child.

(a) Boobs or Belly?
Nonetheless, I have bloated up so quickly that I feel like a beached shamu. I *waddle*, for god's sake, and my once trim and svelte figure now features boobs that went from A to DD in 8 weeks, and a belly that is starting to overtake said boobs.

So what is up with all the male attention? Is it the boobs? Are they really not noticing that I AM KINDA BUSY BEING KNOCKED UP BY ANOTHER MAN'S GENETIC MATERIAL, or is the pregnancy fetish really that widespread?

(b) Why do people (mistakenly) think baby names are an "open-source" project for them to weigh in on?
On another note, I've stopped talking to friends over (*get this*) my baby name choices.

First, folks felt obligated to *mock* my ethnic heritage. I have a very Italian last name, and *like* my Italian heritage. The best comments? "Just name her Guida" and "Just name him Luigi... Luigi and Mario if you have twins". Oh yeah? Why don't you just name *your* baby 'Billy Bob', white trash? Oh, wait... cuz having babies with your first-cousin would be bad... I see....

More annoyingly, now that I've picked the *perfect* baby name, I have a friend who doesn't like my baby name. Fine... whatever... right?
Most recently, I decided on my baby's middle name, and her initials will be G.G. so what does my friend have to say? "OH GOOD, I can just call her GiGi'
Other friends are getting annoyed with her too, and I'm getting sassy facebook comment wars involving people to tell her to "suck it up" while she gets defensive and feels obligated to point out what a horrible, horrible mistake I am making to name my daughter... (drum roll): GLORIA. Because my friend used to have sex to some Van Morrison song about a hooker named Gloria in the 60s, and because a woman named Lola once stole a boyfriend from her in the 70s.
AND BTW, SKANK, IF YOU ARE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WOULD INDICATE TO AN INNOCENT TODDLER THAT HER NAME IS ANYTHING BUT FANTASTIC, then you are definitely not invited to the baby shower... or getting any social invites from me.

I'm going to train my daughter to say "Gloria is Italian for, 'Don't call me GiGi.' "


WTF Pregnancy

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