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A little background: I am 37 weeks pregnant. Not too long ago, my husband got a cell phone so that if I went into labor while he was at work, I could call him.*

During a break the other night, my husband's boss, who Knows Everything about pregnancy, saw my husband with the cell phone. When my husband explained to her what it was for, she responded that he should leave the cell at home because he wouldn't need it. When my husband asked why, she said that all first-time moms go into labor during the day (my husband works overnights). I don't know whether she has any kids or not, but apparently the other women at the table agreed with the boss's statement.

I've never heard that one before....

*While I COULD call the number for work directly, it would take a lot longer for them to find him- it's a big place.
I went out for lunch with a friend today to a sushi place. I got there a few minutes before she did, after walking ~20 minutes in the cold and almost-snow. The server asked if she could get me anything to drink while I waited, and I asked for some tea. She gave me this look like "....are you joking?" and then said "Uhhhh, tea is not good for pregnant." I was like, "o..kay?" and she said "The Chinese, we know this. No tea, no coffee, no pops. I'll get you some water." SO I had ice water even though I was freezing and I've been drinking tea for the past nine months and I don't know why she even asked if she wasn't going to let me have anything but water anyway. I was seriously so fucking baffled that I didn't have any response. And regardless, I'm pretty sure by now (due in a week!) I could drink a bottle of tequila and do a bunch of crack and my kid would come out more or less the same. But OMG tea. Not for preggos.

well technically WTF_baby... but oh well

So I had Desmond on Oct 9. I was induced with cervadil and labored for 7 hours. Had him naturally at 1:35 am, my OB didn't even make it I went so fast, I caught him myself! It was a wonderful experience. He was 9lbs 9oz, 22 inches long. (My first born was 9lbs 2oz, 21 inches but was 3 weeks late, Des was born on his due date)

At my 4 week post partum visit the nurse is talking to me about the delivery. When she heard his weight she said "HOLY COW, okay so I know now you had an epidural." Ugh! I'm so tired of people assuming if you're having a "big" baby you're having an epidural or a c-section (nothing against those two procedures)

And then on Nov. 6 I had an ESWL (electric shock waves to break up a kidney stone) and the surgery nurse was asking about my baby after I had said I was a nursing mom (hence not wanting to take off my bra and nursing pads until the VERY LAST moment). Then she asked how long I was going to nurse. I said "At least a year, I'm too stubborn to pay for formula. My first we nursed till 15 months when I had a bad lupus flare." And she WENT OFF on how Dr. Spock says you HAVE to wean at 9 months or the baby will nurse forever and be dependent. =P
this is more along the lines of wtf_conception maybe, but i figured you guys would still appreciate it.

my partner and i are currently expecting our first child in june.  i am 7 wks pregnant.  my partner is a woman.

i have been treated like a freak show by not only a nurse but two actual doctors who were ASTOUNDED that a woman can get pregnant without putting a penis (or a doctor) inside of her.  i have explained, over and over, how sperm easily travels from a penis to a specimen jar to a syringe to a vagina, in the comfort of one's own home.  and the nurse actually exclaimed, "and you actually got pregnant that way?  OMG, what a MIRACLE!".  both doctors were equally blown away. 

they seriously NEVER thought such a thing would be possible!

i dunno, i think maybe it shatters their perception of manhood and/or self-importance when a woman gets pregnant so effortlessly without having sex or involving the medical profession.

fortunately, we are seeing a midwife for our prenatal care and she didn't bat an eye at our conception methods.

My husband and I had dinner with my parents and my younger sister last weekend. My sister is 23 and engaged, but she is very much a childfree person. TO the point that she's asked me point blank "You're never going to ask me to babysit are you? You know I won't." I've assured her that she will never be asked to interact with my children. Her fiance, on the other hand, is ridiculously excited that he will be having a nephew.

That was background on why she pissed me right the hell off.

Somehow we got on the topic of circumcision. I don't know how. But we did. And I simply said "We won't be circumcising our son." And that was that.

Until my sister starts going on about "You know if he does it later it's going to be way painful for him!" I blinked and said "What, you think it isn't painful for a newborn?" Her response was pretty much what I've heard from other people. "But at least he won't remember it."

And on. And on. And on. She thinks that I absolutely MUST have my son circumcised and I'm horrible if I don't and he's going to hate me when he's older and has to go through the surgery because of all the complications he's going to have.

Need I point out, again, that she's rabidly childfree, and therefor has NO PLACE AT ALL to talk to me about ANY child-raising decisions? NO PLACE. I don't care if she thinks it's weird I don't want my son circumcised. I don't care if everyone else circ's their baby boys. I won't circ mine and that's THAT. It's MY and MY HUSBAND'S choice to leave our son's junk alone. Why in the hell should someone who is never going to even see his penis have ANY opinion on the matter?

I wanted to smack her. Of all the people who think that they have any right to give me advice about my child... MY CHILDFREE SISTER?


This lady a cashier drops my penny and asks the customer behind me to get it this is what she says "oh, can you get that for her she has a big belly (rubs her belly)! WTF? I just laughed and said yeah, can you believe I still have two more months to go!! I am still in shock!

Old Ladies and Grocery Store Cashiers

On Saturdays I work reception at a hair salon where 90% of the clientele is little old ladies who come in every week for their shampoo and roller set. They're mostly cute, and occasionally bitter. I sit behind a desk/counter, and so until recently my otherwise-huge bump hasn't really been noticeable when I'm there.

So yesterday I was standing next to the desk when this one woman came up to pay. She's a regular so she's seen me every Saturday for like a year now. The following conversation ensued:

Cranky Old Lady: Ohhhhh, congratulations!
Me: Thank you.
COL: So, are you happy?
[btw, I find that to be the stupidest question ever, because there is only one acceptable answer.]
Me: Yes, very happy!
COL: My goodness, I didn't think you were old enough to be pregnant. I didn't even know you were married!
[I'm not.]
Me: I'm..... a lot older than I look!

I'm the type of person to be really polite and friendly and smile and answer stupid questions IRL, and then be really snarky about it later, so I'd never tell someone off to their face pretty much no matter how annoying they were. Plus, I have to deal with these people regularly and it wouldn't be worth the satisfaction of giving them snark because then they'd just be straight-out mean to me and there's something about old-lady mean that has sort of a paralyzing effect on me, lol.

But this conversation with a grocery store cashier had me LOLing all the way home:

Insane Cashier: Awww, how many months are you?
Me: Ummm, almost 6.
IC: Is it going to be a surprise, the gender?
Me: Yep!
IC: How are you going to buy anything?
Me: Uh?
IC: You're not going to have a shower, then.
Me: No.. I am.. ?
IC: But how will people BUY anything? You can't BUY anything. How will they know what to GET??
Me: There's.. plenty of stuff you can get for both..
IC: Really? I guess maybe some toys. But not clothes! You CAN'T buy clothes! It's NOT POSSIBLE.

It's not possible, guys. Did you know that? FOR THE SAKE OF CONSUMERISM, I MUST FIND OUT THE SEX OF MY BABY. She was super-adamant about it, too, and that conversation actually lasted much longer than that. I hate how I always think of amazing responses to stupid people after I walk away, but I've decided that the next time someone (fortunately I'm usually asked this by women) comments on how gender-neutral stuff apparently doesn't exist, I'm going to say "Do you ever wear pants? Oh, you do? So- girls can wear BOY clothes?" Argh.

x-posted to my journal

Shut yo face, Grandma!!

Pregnancy makes me feel like a celebrity...the good AND the bad!Collapse )

oh, and another WTF moment? On the way home from dinner we stopped to get gas and I ran in to use the ladies' room. The girl behind the counter was all "how far along are you?" and i said "well, I've got about 7 weeks to go!" and she says "oooh, my sister just had her baby, she was a month early...the baby was tiny! Only like, four OUNCES!"...I just kind of made the "wow" face and said "that's tiny!" ummm...I'm pretty sure babies are only 4 ounces at the very beginning of pregnancy...not if they were born at 8 MONTHS!!!! lol maybe that's why she's working at the gas station...

Doctors say the craziest things

I am 27+ weeks pregnant with twins.

I went do dinner tonight with a friend or a friend doing her residency for her OB specialty. And her OB resident friends.

They spent much of the evening trying to convince me to drink with them as, "All the organs are formed and so you can't do any damage now!" Also, while complaining about everything at their hospital from the beds to the attending physicians, "You should leave you OB and you hospital and come deliver with us! Let us give you a c-section!"

Really? Really? I'm just glad you're not my doctors...

The things people say...

My sister and my Grandmother have asked me on separate occasions if I was planning on having post-partum depression. Did I miss something here? Do you plan this illness? Why on earth would you ask such a thing? The answer is NO. No, I am not planning on it.

My sister is relatively harmless, but some of the things she says make me laugh. She's never had a kid and is SOOOOO excited for her nephew to show up. Now that it is the summer, she will ask me please to not have the baby while she is away camping, and write messages on my facebook wall to that effect. Heh. I'll do my best! When she is in town, she wants me to have him RIGHT NOW and is somewhat bewildered that I do not really have control over that. I jokingly told her that I was eating lots of pineapple, jumping on trampolines and going for rides on bumpy roads, so it should be any day now...she didn't get it. The next day she says finally that she has figured out the SOLUTION: Induction. She googled that a few stars had done it and their babies came out lickety split. I asked her if she knew what that involved, and she said no. So I explained it to her, and a few other pregnancy fun things (like post partum bleeding) and now she says that I have scared her sterile.

In one last story, I bring to you knowledge from the mouth of babes. I tutor young children and they are absolutely fascinated by my pregnancy, and quite frequently they comment with what information they do know about babies. One day, a little girl asked me when the doctor was going to STAB ME WITH A KNIFE to take the baby out. I told her that not all little boys and girls are born like that, and she said that her brothers and sisters were so that her mom could keep her figure. I just.didn't.have.words.for.that. D:

Anyway, isn't pregnancy grand? I must say that my sarcastic wit is improving with every passing day due to these occurrences!
Hubby and I are lucky enough to live within 30 minutes of the cord blood banking place. Since our paperwork originally got lost in the mail we decided to set up an appointment to just drop the paperwork off and pick up the kit (I'm 35 weeks along).

So we're sitting and waiting and the woman comes out.
The woman goes "please don't go into labor here"

this isn't the first time I've gotten that comment. She made a whole big thing about how I should go into labor in the hospital.

"look, I plan to go to the hospital once I'm actually in labor. But I'm sure you can clean the carpet if my water breaks"

I can't really choose where I am when I go into labor. I don't really think people understand...I don't go into labor and then have the baby 5 minutes later.

When you have MY baby? WTF?

Let see if I can actually tell more than one story on here and make sense at the same time :)

First: My oh so amazing sister says to me "when you have MY baby". WTF is with other people thinking this baby is theirs? I am sorry but this baby is mine! It is not the first time she has made reference to this little girl being HER baby. I only know to tell her that if she makes one more comment that this little one is HER baby that I will have no other choice but to see to it that I stay far away.

Second: Is it just me or do pregnant women get hit on all the freaking time? I don't mind, I am single and enjoy the attention I am getting. I have never considered myself beautiful and to have some random guy say "you are the most beautiful pregnant woman I have ever seen" does give my self-esteem a huge boost. With that said, why is it that some guys who see you every day and although you have made it more than clear you are flattered but it will never happen they still insist on trying to get you to hook up? The one guy from my previous post still insists on asking if he can be there when she is born! I don't even want my sister looking at my hoo hoo when I am giving birth, I am having issues with the Doctors and Nurses looking at my hoo hoo...why on earth would I let some guy who gives me the creeps look at my hoo hoo?

Third: I have rules about touching my belly. It is acceptable if you are pregnant, it is acceptable if you ask and I say ok (I usally do) it is acceptable if you are 2-6 years old and think it is cool that I have this baby in there. It is NOT cool to touch my belly then say can I touch it. It is not acceptable to make comments to my size and ask if there is one baby in there.

Fouth: Why do people assume you are married when they find out you are pregnant? I went to church for the first time in forever and saw my OLD and I mean senile old pastor and wife. Well the wife is more senile. Anyway, she asked how I was and I tell her I am good, going to have a baby and her response? "oh I didn't know you are married". I just nodded and went with it. She also happened to ask if I was living with my mom who passed 7 years ago (she was there when it happened) so yeah.

Fifth: Why does everyone think that because you are pregnant nothing is taboo? I mean it seems like NOTHING is taboo anymore.

Anyway...I am simply amazed all the time now that I am apparently carrying 12 babies that people have to touch, comment and ask questions and make assumptions as to my marital status and that they all think it is ok!! I pray I don't do this to others...ever..

I DO have a name, too

I went to a friend's surprise party the other night.

This friend's friends are (to say the least) not particularly interested in reproducing. They're all friends heavily involved in BDSM clubs and the kink community and I'm 25 weeks pregnant with twins.

I kind of expected that these people, who I have met and been very friendly and social with in the fairly recent past, wouldn't have much to say to me these days. And they certainly didn't. I was roundly ignored by everyone that I wasn't actually friends with. A crowd of nearly thirty people.

So my friend shows up and is surprised. And we're talking and having a good time, and she's sort of introducing me and my husband around to the other people standing near the ice cream. And I have THIS lovely exchange.

me: Hello!
X: Hi.
me: Have we met?
X: No. I'm X. And you're pregnant.

End conversation, and X walks away.


Witness my feats of amazing agility!

This weekend I had a concert that I was a part of. (I play the french horn.) Our set was an hour long and because I'm 35 weeks pregnant, I couldn't last the entire time without having to run off to the bathroom. Now the set up was not good and I wound up boxed in, in the middle of the band with bars on the sides (which faced the crowd) at about ass level to me. I'm wearing a dress because I grew out of my band uniform about 7 months ago. So I try first to go out the side because there is no room for me to get out through the doorway because there was a row of musicians in front of me. My mother in law is singing with us, and is standing next to the bar, and she's trying to help me see if I can get over the bar. (It wasn't happening.) And this woman looks at me and says "Can't you crawl under that? Just get on your knees and go under it." My mother in law and I were like D: Buh, no, lady. That's not gonna happen either. I wound up going through the band anyway but gah...

Yes... Crawling on the ground in front of an audience while hugely pregnant and wearing a dress is a great friggin' idea. -_-

Is it Oct yet?

Dear Ultrasound tech,
When I say "Omg I'm going to throw up" I actually mean I'm going to throw up. Please don't continue pressing on my abdomen. You're really lucky I was able to barrel roll off the side of the table and barely hit the garbage can. (I'm pretty spry for a fat pregnant chick)

Dear 7-11 lady,
Yup, I'm getting a slurpee. Yup, I'm pregnant. No, I do not think the sugar in the Slurpee will A. give me diabetes
B. give my baby ADD
C. cause my baby's heart to stop. (WTF SERIOUSLY?!)
Yes, my OB is fine with me eating a slurpee. His exact words were "if slurpees are all you can keep down at least it's a fluid".

Dear Every Person I Run Into,
Yes, I have a PICC line Photobucket Yes, I have tubing that runs from said PICC line to a pump that gives me Zofran. No, it's really not any of your business. Also, QUIT staring at it! No, it is not "horrible" I'm incredibly grateful for it, it's SAVING MY LIFE!

Dear Perinatologist,
You can't tell me you're concerned about intrauterine growth restriction and then 5 minutes later tell me the baby's too big and I'll probably need early induction/c-section. It doesn't work that way. QUIT MICROMANAGING MY PREGNANCY!


so a couple weeks ago, when i was 25 weeks pregnant i was in class and this guy was hitting on me. i had spoken to him before and had pointed out my belly in a conversation saying why i couldnt wear something anymore. i hadnt specifically said i was pregnant but i didnt think it was very hard to tell. i havent gained any fat and the entire 23 pounds ive gained was in the belly. i am tiny everywhere else. so he is hitting on me and then i say something about being pregnant and he is like "OMG YOURE PREGNANT! I THOUGHT YOU JUST HAD A BEER GUT!!!" excuse me? you thought this was a beer gut? also, if he thought i was skinny with some giant beer gut, is that what he is into? he was hitting on me pretty hard...

here is a picture of me at that week for reference:

so, beer gut?

Can I be your baby daddy?

EDIT: Sorry, I realized when I went back and read this that it didn't make sense..Let me try again.

At my local AM/PM there is a guy that works there named Marty. Marty annoys me to no end. One afternoon while I was there the conversation came up about my status. I am single. I explain the story of how Ava's "donor" called and threatened to kill her and that is why he is completely gone out of our lives. Without hesitation and as serious as can be Marty says "can I be your baby daddy". I about fell to the floor. That is truly my WTF moment so far. Who the heck just out right asks if they can be your "baby daddy"?

Ok, I hope this makes better sense than the last post. I was actually posting on here and writing to someone else and I guess without really looking I was writing stuff about two situations :) Forgive my wonderful pregnancy brain~!

WTF Lab!

So I had my glucose tolerance test yesterday (Gestational diabetes).
My doctor and I agreed to do the jelly bean version instead of the glucose test. There's no way I was going to be able to drink that thing and keep any of it down.
I get to the lab and the woman hands me the drink and I said "oh no, I already ate the jelly beans, just need my blood drawn." Apparently she'd never heard of doing it with jelly beans. She called the lab supervisor to make sure that was okay. And then she said "we normally make you drink the drink in front of us so we can make sure you're not cheating the test." WTF why in the hell would I cheat at the GD test?
Also, when I said I was allergic to latex, I meant all latex, even the kind in tape. Thanks for the lovely welts!

Jul. 8th, 2009

I hate how people that have never been pregnant or men that are completely oblivious to pregnancy,
talk out their ass when it comes to this subject.

-No not all pregnant women have cravings.
-No not all pregnant women have morning sickness.
-No not all pregnant women have an increased sex drive.
-No not all pregnant women carry the same.

I was talking to this guy online.
He was like Ohhh you must be horny all of the time.
I'm like uhhh actually my sex drive decreased.
He's like that's so weird.
I said is it?
He said all the pregnant women hes spoken to are hornier.
Ok...so all the black men I've dated are good kissers.
Does that mean the whole population of that race is?
Gosh! use your brain dumb ass!

What's the deal with the majority of my WTF moments being at work, or by people selling me food, or by people selling me food at work? I was desperate for food and short on time, so, I went to the cafeteria at my job. It is overpriced and underqualitied so I don't usually go there:

Cafeteria lady: How many months?

Me: 6 and a half

Cafeteria Lady: which are you having, a boy or a girl?

Me: One of each, actually

Caftereria Lady: Wow, Twins. Oh My God! (typical response. I'm used to the shock and pity combo at this point, LOL)

Me: *smiles*

Cafeteria Lady: So, you will quit your job after they are born, then, yes?

Me: Uh, quit? No. *shakes head* Not gonna quit (I was honestly taken aback by this question. no one has asked me this yet. Maybe cafeteria workers have an endless supply of insurance and rent money that I am unaware of *shrug*)

Cafereria Lady: No!?! (I mean, really, she seemed as taken aback as me, here) WOW. That will be REALLY DIFFICULT for you! I... wow...  I just have no idea how you're going to pull That Off...

My Brain: Right, well, why WOULD you have an idea about it one way or the other, seeing as this is the most only conversation we've ever had in however long it's been since you've worked here and, at this point, the ONLY thing you know about me... but thanks for the assumption. WHORE.

My Mouth: Uhm, yeah, well, I'll figure it out. Thaaaanks.

Cafeteria Lady: Sure you will (detecting a note of insincerity now...) and good luck *shakes head sadly*

Ok, seriously... WTF?! I work at a consumer electronics giant, not as an executive, but just another of the hundreds of socially inept engineer's. Not that it makes any difference, I have the same relationship with my co workers as I do the janitorial and cafeteria and security staff. It concerns me not what other people do here. But this just reminded me of the time the lady who works at 7-11, who happens to live above me with her son (and the endless parade of Hipster Fucktards that are constantly marching up and down the GD stairs at any given time of day/night), started wondering out loud how it is I could afford even the one bedroom all on my lonesome, knowing absolutely ZERO about me save for the apartment I lived in. Actually, that one went something like this (it was Thanksiving and I had to run in for something quick)

Me: Hey, don't you live above me?

Her: Oh. Yeah. I guess I do. Hm.

Me: Happy Thanksgiving! It sucks you have to work!

Her: Yeah but not for long. So, do you live their ALL ALONE?

Me: Yup. That's the idea! (obviously this was before I got knocked up and incidentally my boyfriend is moving in this month) (not that it matters, I'm just sayin)

Her: Wow. It must be really hard for you to make the rent all by yourself! I mean, I do ok, Of Course, but I honestly don't know how YOU would be able to manage it! (I swear to effing christ this was what she said)

My Brain: Right, because part time @ 7-11 pays SO WELL and I am, obviously, lowly and inferior to you and your illustrious career. In fact I pimp my ass on the side. Gotta do what you gotta do, yanno? /sarcasm!

My Mouth: Huh. Well, Anyway...

Her: Your'e not ALL ALONE for the Holiday, are you?

Me: *cocks head at her* Excuse me?

Her: For the holiday, you won't be spending it by yourself in that little apratment, right?

Me: No, in fact I won't be. Thanks for your concern and, again, Happy Thanksgiving!

It is rude to make assumptions about people period, but to do so with someone you literally don't know from Adam, in public, is simply inexcusable. I seriously am starting to hate people, and wish I could replace them all with cute little piglets who squeak but don't speak.

Just a few of the many things that I hate people saying/doing during my pregnancy.

1) "You're getting fat."
Oh, really? Me being pregnant couldn't have anything to do with it...
By the way, what's your excuse?

2) "So, what are you naming the twins?"
Everyone carries differently you know.

3) "Is this your first baby?"
No...I'm 22 years old with 5 kids....In a few years Octomom ain't going to have shit on me.

4) "You're that big and you don't know if it's a boy or a girl?"
Uhhh, first of all I'm not big...I'm pregnant.
2ndly, I'll find out when I'm ready to.

5) "Whoa, you look like you're ready to explode!"
I'm guessing you're visiting from planet mars and this is your first day on earth.

6) "You haven't had that baby yet?"
Of course I haven't, I only have to carry this baby for 274 days!

7) "You're young, It should be easy for you to get back down to size."
Thanks for reminding me that I've gained 20 pounds.

8) People that go up to you and start rubbing your belly.
At times like this, I wish my stomach had claws.

9) "You know, labor is going to be painful right?"
Oh really? I've never heard such a thing.
SWEET TAPDANCING JESUS... my new neighbors made rank ass fish for dinner. My whole apartment  REEKS OF FISH! *gags*


This might very well bring on morning sickness... at 25 weeks.

I hope my twin newborns cry a lot Just For This.

Work Today

Working in customer service (retail) can be so much "fun"

I was standing at our Clinique counter making a free sample for another customer when a woman walks up to me...

Woman: eying me "your pregnant right?"
Me: I was so tempted to say NO but I have to be nice "ummm me? yeah"
Woman: "aww when are you due?"
Me: "october 19th, not soon enough for this heat"
Woman: "OMG your huge!" she chuckles (she is no skinny one herself as she was buying a size 18 so its not like she was a size 0! I am normally a size 11/12 and still can fit in pre-preg pants just not button the waist)
Me: "oh....k...... thanks I guess...."
Woman: "Your only going to get hotter especially if you keep gaining weight"
Me: "well my doctor told me 1lb per week of pregnancy is safe...since I am 23weeks and only gained 18lbs I think im ok but thanks again" I force a tight smile
Woman: " oh well yeah I gained like 60lbs when I was pregnant but as you can see (points to her own ample figure) you will lose it all and go back to normal "

Ok so wtf? I dont go up to her and say OMG YOUR HUGE! no because one its none of my business if she is a size 2 or 22 and its mean. Pregnant people have feelings too, in fact we can have some very unstable/unpredictable feelings so its probably not your safest bet to call us fat!

At least we have an excuse to gain weight...we are growing people! Shit.

I swear I have never been called fat/huge more in my life!

Worst U/S Tech EVAR

I posted this on Bad_service as well, but thought ya'll would like it.

I'm having a rough pregnancy and am a touch hormonal and emotional.
I spent 7 hours in labor and delivery tonight monitoring contractions.

They sent an ultrasound tech to measure my cervix (which is done vaginally AUGH). She said when she came in "I'm here to measure your cervix, I'll also take a couple pictures of the baby so I can prove he WAS (emphasis hers) alive when I did it." Excuse me? I'm in the hospital for threatened preterm labor and your going to come insinuate that my baby is going to die?

She also left the door wide open while doing said vaginal ultrasound and the ala cart food chick walked in with my tray. (Why hallo thar, would you like to see my hooha?)

I was just so shocked at how callous she was.

Baby is fine. We're calling it "threatened preterm labor" but seriously woman? SERIOUSLY?

Jun. 18th, 2009

I have no idea if this is going to be appropriate or not, but if I could reach through the internet and smack someone, I totally would.

Someone posted in another pregnancy LJ that their u/s had the marker for a very common birth defect and she was looking for support and reassurance.  Most of the comments were really helpful, providing some links and assurances that surgery would correct it, it would be easily treated, etc.  But one person posted and ACTUALLY said (and I shit you not) "omg! I saw a commercial and it does distort their appearance a lot." as part of the comment she left; the rest of her comment was completely unhelpful, but at least it wasn't mean.

WTF says that to a mama who is probably terrified and all kinds of other emotions? WTF?!?!?!   I expect to see that kind of crap from people out in the real world, but I expect better behavior from other pregnant women on our LJs!

"Hardly Showing"

I'm expecting twins in October. In other words- I'm 20 weeks pregnant with twins.

I know my belly isn't *huge*, hell, there's only about two pounds of actual baby in there right now. But I FEEL huge. Nothing fits (I am morally opposed to actually buying maternity clothes) except loose empire waisted dresses and shirts and drawstring skirts. Which I'm fine with, honestly, but I do have to keep making so that I don't run out of clothes.

Enter a friend of a friend. Who spent the ENTIRE day repeatedly telling me how I'm, "hardly showing."

Fuck you, alright? I'm pushing 20 pounds bigger, I'm waddling everywhere I go, and my skirts hang out a solid foot in front of my feet. Hardly showing, my ass. When the gas company guy showed up the other day, he wouldn't even let me escort him down the stairs, claiming I was in "the motherly way."

Each time you say I'm "hardly showing," I hear, "You must have ALWAYS been that fat."



etiquette appropritate for a gentlewoman

The dilemma: What to do when presented with a blatant wtf?

The solution: I've created for myself a stack of these via Vistaprint...

rules for dealing with expectant parents

I posted this to my journal a few days ago and after the last post in this community, I thought maybe I should share it here. Its very much a work in progress, as I only have 9 rules so far. I came up with 13 rules.  But nonetheless, you all can probably commiserate with me on these. Or maybe give me ideas for new rules. I know there are things I'm missing.Read more...Collapse )

I'm a whore?

So the other day I had enough energy to go for a walk in the sun with my 21 month old daughter. I'm just over 35 weeks pregnant with my husband and I's second daughter when some "pleasant" young man gave me a nasty look and called me a whore. Excuse me? A whore? You mean the kind of whore that sleeps with her husband? Pfht. If I was a whore I'd be getting some. This pregnancy has totally sucked as far as the libido goes. So it's been awhile since I've gotten any. (because I'm not hormonal AT ALL) But its a little hard to feel sexy when every time you're about to get into it baby starts beating at my insides making me fart (oh yeah, bringing the sexy back. So embarrassing!)
I got this note in my LJ inbox this morning...

"Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm not sure exactly what I should do. My last period started April 19th and was inconsistent. The one before that was May 10th and only lasted 3 days. It's normal for me to be 1 to 2.5 weeks late on my period when counting on a 28-32 day cycle. This means it's been almost 8 weeks since my last period.

What do you think the possibility is that I may be pregnant, and is it time to take a test?

Again, sorry to bother you.
Thank you for your time,

I quickly responded that I'm not a medical professional and she should speak to a doctor or even planned parenthood.
But this was so very WTF...

Wow, first Mod post!

I've locked down membership and am screening any posts from non-members. Some jackasses decided it would be a good idea to join this community just long enough to be assholes to one member over a difference of opinion in what is a parenting decision.

Now pay attention, because I'm not going to repeat myself, I'm just going to ban, and then report you to LJ abuse. This is actually the only warning you will get. If you attempt to troll the community to push your stupid ass, irrelevant agenda I will throw your brain-dead ass out.

This is not the place for those discussions. There are plenty of places where you can discuss the validity of religions, cultures, traditions, and parenting decisions. Go to one of those places if that's your agenda. But grinding your foreskin axe here is only going to piss me off.

I have absolutely zero tolerance for this bullshit. It's unacceptable behavior. And it's detrimental to your cause because it makes you look like an idiot.

Yes, I'm being disrespectful. This community was equally disrespected by these people, and I'm entirely too tired, hormonal, and aggravated to be civil.

Now, if we can start acting like adults again, we can get back to our regularly scheduled programming.


Because family can be the worst.
Today was my 30th b-day. Hubby and I went out to eat with his niece, brother and brother's bf. We went to Cheesecake Factory and had a really good time.
I have type 2 Diabetes, I'm on Metformin and keep my blood sugar under control (I've been told that if the docs didn't know better they'd think I wasn't diabetic)
I was tested at 16 weeks for GD...and I'm being tested again on Tuesday just to be certain.
Since I send out email updated people know this. My blood sugar has been excellent throughout my pregnancy so far (I'm 27 weeks 2 days).

So...here's the WTF part.
My mom's cousin calls me to wish me a happy birthday. She asks if I did anything special so I told her we went out to lunch.
" I've heard they have good food, what did you get?"
"We went around brunch time so I got eggs benedict, and then I treated myself to dessert and got a slice of chocolate raspberry truffle cheesecake. But I only ate half of it and brought the other half home." (I don't normally get dessert...but hell, I figure I can have some cheesecake for my birthday)
"Oh, that sounds like it has a lot of sugar."

yes, it's freakin cheesecake. It has sugar, I'm a healthy eater despite my larger size and the diabetes (it's due to my PCOS).
I still only ate half the cheesecake anyway. It was the tone that got me...like I was in trouble because I had done something wrong.
I was at a band concert today, where my husband was playing the baritone. Afterwards there were plenty of people commenting on my belly. (I'm paraphrasing, since this was in Dutch.) With comments that all were kinda like "Wow, look at how round you are!" Ok, that's fine.

Except for this one woman... Who said something similar and then smacked me in the stomach four times. Rather hard. When I said "Ow, could you not hit me?" she responded with "Oh come on, that didn't hurt! Why would that hurt?" To which my husband responded "Because there's a whole human being in there? Please stop."

She actually looked a bit offended!

Um, yes. I will come up to you and smack you repeatedly in a sensitive place and then argue with you when you ask me to stop. Seriously... What the HELL was that?

My baby is what?

I work at a department store in a small town. I had a lady come up to me yesterday and exclaim "Oh! you go to Shiloh (a church... and no I dont...I went with my hubby once) Your Shirley's daughter in law! The pregnant one (I am the ONLY daughter in law...never mind the pregnant one! lol)" I respond "yes, its very nice to see you how are you?" We make small chat.
She goes on to ask "So when is the baby due" "October 19th"
this is where the WTF comes in

Her: "OH JESUS that is my deceased mother's birthday. She died at 72 last year. This is god's way of telling me she is coming back. Her spirit is in your baby and going to be reborn through your baby!"

Me: ..... mouth wide open.... "oh....ok...well its just the estimated due date we dont know when he/she will be born....."

Co-worker: "oh well I think she is having a boy...she is carrying low and so I think its a boy anyways" (haha she was trying to save me I think)

Her: "oh no this is a sign, I am so glad I saw you today. This reaffirms my faith in God's works"

Me: hands her the bags.... "well I am glad that you are in a good mood. I hope you have a great day. I have to help that customer over there. Ill tell Shirley you said hi...." I walk away

My baby is her dead mother's spirit being reborn?

Fun with colostrum!

So, I've been leaking colostrum since about 20 weeks. If I don't depress the fluid from my boobs it's incredibly painful and also itchy, and I don't want to take the chance of getting an infection. So the other day, my boobs are really hard so I'm massaging and slowly depressing them, one at a time, and I shoot myself in the eye! Usually it just oozes out! Beware ladies!


This girl in my office just gave me TOTAL EYEBROWS and said 'Another Coffee?' (the fact that she was right and it was my 2nd coffee is beside the point because my 1st coffee was on the way to work and she couldn't have known). I turned to be facing her, looked her straight in the eye and replied sweetly 'That's Right. ANOTHER COFFEE... So I don't kill someone.'

She smiled, waiting for me to smile back, but I didn't. She said 'Um...' and walked out of the break room.

Doctor's orders

I saw a doctor- not my usual doctor, of course, but yet another doctor- yesterday morning. She was very firm in her orders.

Quoth the doctor, "You are to live on saltines and milkshakes alone."
"But doctor," say I, "I am to eat healthy food! I am to ingest protein and iron and many whole grains!"
"Nay," replieth she. "You must drink milkshakes. And crackers you must eat. Ne'er shall your hand be without shaken milk in any variety of flavor, ne'er shall your lips part to allow what is not saltines to be chew'd and digested."
"Madness!" I persist, "Doctor, might I not have baked potatoes? Are I not permitted to drink tea and juice?
"Silence, fiend!" She cried out, "Silence! Goest thou to a malt shop! To Baskin Robbins with thee!"

Then, despite all reason and protest, she scheduled me for ANOTHER echocardiogram and extra EKGs, and sent me on my way without validating my parking.

I'll preface this by saying that I know circumcision is a sensitive topic for a lot of people.
My family is Jewish, we're having a boy and plan to have a bris. There are lots of reasons behind it.

My brother in laws boyfriend asked me today if I planned to mutilate my son.
I think my husband and his brother were both surprised that the boyfriend is neither dead nor castrated.

I don't mind people who don't believe in circumcision, I have a friend who has talked to me about it, but she's talked to me about it. When people automatically tell me I'm horrible or say I'm just mutilating my child is really pisses me off.
I'm an adult, I'm going to make a lot of choice for my child. If you have other suggestions talk to me, but if your argument is that I'm horrible for doing it I'm not going to listen to you.
Dear "Gentleman", who is around my age, possibly younger,

      I know I look young. It's something I've known for a while. However, I am married, have been for a year now, and I've been with my husband for seven, got that, seven years. If you try to say I'm a "stupid pregnant teen" one more time, I will kick your A**! If I'm a teen, I met my husband when I was nine. Umm, no.

Thank you, have a nice day!
I'm 16 weeks pregnant with twins. I've always been short and VERY busty, and as a result I'm very used to clothes not fitting well. I figured that once my belly started showing, it would be pretty obvious I was pregnant. After all, prego belly is pretty distinctive, right?

Well, I forgot to consider the breast growth factor. Since my boobs have reached epic proportions (34 HH at the time of my most recent bra purchase- thank you internets) I do pretty much just look fat. I mean, you can't see that there's a distinct difference between breast and belly under a shirt. I combat this by making my own maternity clothes THAT FIT because I would MUCH rather look pregnant than fat.

At any rate, the only clothes I'm not bothering to make are pants. I figure, I've got a belly band, and I only really need to wear pants when I go to physical therapy anyway. Sweat pants and a belly band will do it, right?

So, I'm walking to my physical therapy office yesterday. Nice spring day- 75 degrees and sunny. I'm wearing a tank top and khaki pants with a belly band, and all of a sudden, I hear a high voice shouting at me, "Oink! Oink! Oink!" And laughing maniacally. I look around, expecting some evil bitch in a Mercedes or something, and instead there's this SUV crawling along next to me with this little boy leaning out the window, grinning gleefully and oinking at me. Believe it or not, the bastard's mom is in the driver's seat, driving slow and laughing along! She was TELLING HER KID to oink at me!

I could have killed them both.

May. 11th, 2009

so its no secret that people give pretty stupid unsolicited advice to pregnant women. but this is just.. wow. one of my coworkers told me that if i get scared by a chicken, my baby will have a birthmark. at first i thought she was kidding so i was kinda playing along. i joked i should stop watching scary movies too and she looked at me all serious like i was crazy and said "no. its just chickens."

sadly, she's serious.

what makes this scary is that we are professional parent educators.

May. 4th, 2009

A couple of people said that they would wear a shirt that said "Don't Touch Me, I Fart!"
So...I made one.
Check it out here:
If anyone has anything else they'd like on a shirt please let us know. (Hubby just lost his job, so the extra income would be nice)

and so this is not totally off topic:
The first OB I went to told me (and my spouse) that since I was diabetic I had no right getting pregnant and that I would have a still born. Then she told me I would need insulin shots so I didn't kill the baby (I haven't needed them yet) and that I just should not have gotten pregnant.

Yeah, we found a new doctor.
So I am now 4 months (16 weeks according to my doctor... 15weeks and some days according to me). Today I saw a girl I work with that I havent seen in a long time due to me working evenings now. She runs up to me....touches my stomach and goes "Oh your showing already! Your getting so big! you must be 6 months time is flying!" I was like "well I am actually 16 weeks... and yeah I just started to show....." her " oh so like 4 months? well ur big guess your not worried about gaining weight :giggle: " and she walks away.

UMM? Ok I know she has had 4 kids and is a size 4 but sorry thats not me. I am a size 10/12 normally and now my boobs have grown from a small C to a D/DD and I have only gained 7lbs so far. BITE ME! And no I dont want to get HUGE but I also am not going to restrict myself to only gaining a few lbs. I will gain what my doctor deems is healthy.

She did that at a store meeting in front of other coworkers and customers coming in.... nice thanks for calling me a fat ass in front of everyone! lol
Because I feel as big as a bus and am uncomfortable ALL the fucking time. Just shy of 30 weeks and I haven't been in to see my OB yet. Why? Because it took a week to get a hold of the receptionist whom then told me that because I haven't been in since October 2007 I need a referral. Which....I totally thought Jeremy's doctor had done because when I was there on the 26th he wrote something and handed it to the receptionist but apparently someone fucked up and now I have to go back to Jeremy's doctor on Sunday to get the referral so that I can make the appointment to see the OB whom is supposed to "deliver" the baby. However, when I saw the OB during my pregnancy with Madilyn he wasn't even the one to deliver her because it was his day off! So Really, Why bother having to see the OB when I could just see Jer's doctor (which is SO much easier) if the chances of him even being the one to deliver Isabella are slim to nil?


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